It seems every parent I’ve spoken to has concerns about their child’s screen time, and generally, the takeaway is that many are on the brink of conceding defeat. It’s certainly not easy in a digital age, where little can compete with the instant dopamine hit that the online world promises. That being said, there are plenty of tools at your disposal to help keep their eyes off screens and onto more productive endeavours. Here’s a list of tips to aid your child’s digital detox.
Lead by example
Kids are an impressionable lot, and they look up to you more than you’d think. No doubt you’ve seen them pick up many of your traits and mannerisms in an effort to be more like their heroes (that’s you). Unfortunately, this carries through to your bad habits, which they’ll pick up as readily as a pet parrot learns a curse word. That’s why the first step in your child’s digital detox should be your own.
Kids have a remarkable ability to pick up on hypocrisy—that is, when you tell them to do one thing whilst you display an entirely different set of behaviours. If you want your child to respect your opinion on the matter, you must live by your absolutes. If you spend your evening sitting in the family room on your tablet whilst the TV drones in the background, that is the standard that your kids will live by, and will likely be the basis on which they argue the injustices of any seemingly punitive device restrictions.
Now, I should clarify that this is not meant to be a guilt-tripping exercise. I have often found myself whisked away into a scrolling session after a long day at work. However, this step carries several benefits for you as the parent. Firstly, whilst it may seem relaxing, scrolling through your news feed is quite the opposite. The constant stimulation can lead to increases in stress and anxiety, leaving you more exhausted than before and in a poor state to be the best parent you can be. Secondly, you’ll be amazed how much extra time you have when you remove your digital distractions—valuable time which can be spent with your loved ones.
Cold turkey is not the answer
Some believe that removing all digital devices from a child’s life is the best way to deal with the negative impacts of excessive screen time. Whilst this may be true in small doses, an ongoing and totalitarian ban on device use can do more harm than good, particularly for older children. Don’t get me wrong—I do believe that many would be better off without devices in their lives. However, the reality is that we must encourage a healthy coexistence with the digital world, given it’s here to stay.
In my experience, total device bans have three major negative consequences. Firstly, building proficiency in digital-based skills is becoming increasingly important, and an absolute no-device policy can leave your child on the back foot. Not everything on devices is destructive, and it can be an excellent outlet for creativity if your child has an interest in photography, videography, digital design, music production, or coding—among countless other pursuits.
Secondly, I have witnessed the tendency for those denied devices to display unhealthy digital habits when they are inevitably allowed access as they near adulthood. This idea is explained in the forbidden fruit theory, which describes the human tendency to desire things that are prohibited or unavailable. In other words, the restrictions you place on device use can heighten your child’s curiosity and attraction to it.
Thirdly, a total device ban can come across as unreasonable, and breeds resentment which is unproductive in encouraging healthy digital interactions. A more measured approach, where you consult with your child, is likely to enhance their respect for your choices—even if they don’t like them.
So, if cold turkey is not the answer, then what’s the alternative? Instead, you should implement firm, fair, and consistent restrictions on the times and spaces where they can be on their devices. Furthermore, maintain an open, two-way dialogue about digital health and the reasons why these measures are in place.
Don’t just do what other parents do
There are times when it’s best to follow the crowd, and there are times when it pays to stand on your principles and follow the path less travelled. Some parents will see no issue with their child’s screen time, or are simply too overwhelmed with the competing demands of parenting to focus on this issue. Indeed, it is perfectly understandable, given that a child on their device often results in some much-needed respite for the parent.
That being said, if you are concerned about the impacts excessive screen time is having on your children, you are not being radical nor unreasonable for taking action. You will certainly face pressure from your children—cue the “all the other kids get to play Xbox on a weeknight” comments—but you’ll be rewarded with kids who grow up to respect digital boundaries, have a stronger ability to focus, and have a myriad of skills and hobbies to enjoy. Trust me, they will thank you one day.
Embrace the boredom
“I’m bored.” Two words that will inevitably come up once you’ve stripped your children of their precious devices. Counterintuitively, these words should be music to your ears. Boredom holds remarkable benefits that are being lost in the constant stimulation of the digital age, and it is an important step in overcoming device dependency.
Studies have shown that a state of boredom sets the foundation for creativity, and if you consider this anecdotally, it makes complete sense. I have certainly found some of my most promising ideas when doing something mundane, and it allows me time to see the ideas through to their conclusion. In contrast, I can barely hang on to a creative thread when I am in the midst of a doom-scrolling session, let alone make anything of value from it.
Other studies have linked boredom to a stronger working memory, and some researchers suggest it can help children develop problem-solving skills, flexibility, and resilience to some not-so-fun experiences. Importantly, the feeling of boredom will likely be the catalyst for your child to think of something to entertain themselves—meaning they won’t be feeling bored for long.
Say no to the smart phone
This is a big one. Many parents are giving their kids their very own smartphone before they’ve even started school, and from this point onwards they are fighting an uphill battle to remain in control of their digital consumption. Smartphones are the most invasive species of digital device, constantly demanding attention and promising dopamine whilst rarely being used for what they were originally intended for: making calls.
Smartphones are incredibly powerful, and as the old adage goes, with great power comes great responsibility. If we as adults can barely handle the addictive nature of the smartphone, how can we expect our children—with significantly less developed frontal lobes—to handle it? Irresponsibly is the answer. In addition, the type of content that is accessible to them is concerning, and whether they intend to or not, they will undoubtedly find themselves viewing things that you as a parent would not appreciate them seeing. If you are giving them a phone for safety reasons, there is no need for the latest iPhone when a simple flip phone will suffice, whilst negating many of the dangers.
So, when is a responsible time to give your child their own smartphone? Whilst it is still sooner than I would generally advocate for, the start of high school serves as a realistic time to allow them to have their own device—provided you set strong boundaries around its use. I would encourage you to use shared family devices in shared family spaces wherever possible, allowing you to maintain control of when and what they are accessing online.
You’ve got this!
There is so much to say on this topic, and I may have to write a second article to cover all the points I’d like to discuss. This won’t be an easy journey, however by simply considering the implications of their screen use, you are already on the right track. If you stick to your guns and see things through, you will be rewarded with healthier, happier, and more productive children who will thank you (eventually) for devoting so much energy to this cause.
You’ve got this!